A Sense of Security by Birth Order

The quest for security relates to Birth Order.  Each Birth Order has its own way of trying to achieve a sense of security, none of which work in really creating a feeling of security.

Security for the First Born is based on knowing all you can.  The First Born lives in a world with adults where his or her knowledge is limited.  The First Born often does not know what is going on so feels insecure.  The insecurity drives the First Born to know everything possible in order to feel safe.  The First Born expresses a continuing insecurity by saying, “I don’t know, what do you think?”  Of course, knowledge is never complete so the First Born continues to feel insecure. 

The Second Born experiences the insecurity of the First Born.  In trying to be secure the Second Born adopts a strategy differing from the First Born quest for knowledge.  Rather than concentrate on the quantity of knowledge the Second Born concentrates on the quality of knowledge.  To achieve quality the Second Born listens to experts rather than to anyone who has something to say.  Furthermore, the Second Born examines details to achieve certainty.  The Second Born establishes a mental structure, a box if you will, to contain the knowledge that is trustworthy.  But, insecurity remains because even experts are wrong sometimes.

The Third Born does not find security in either the First Born pursuit of knowledge or the Second Born reliance on experts.  The Third Born sees security as something to be pursued rather than something possessed.  Pursuing security makes the Third Born move on from one situation to another.   Some go through many relationships.  Some change jobs regularly.  Some move from one place to another.  Others move on to do something new every time they have developed skill they could use where they are.  Since security is found in the greener grass on the other side of the fence there is no security.

The Fourth Born reacts to the unsettled ways of the Third Born, the restrictive ways of the Second Born and the continual pursuit of knowledge of the First Born by rejecting all of these.  Security for the Fourth Born is therefore not listening to others.  The Fourth Born seeks security in his or her own thoughts rather than outside him or her self.  The Fourth Born can be sure of things only by paying attention to his or her thoughts without input from others.  Obviously, this does not result in being secure.

The Only Child seeks security by putting things in order.  Things are in order when the schedule is made, the plans are formulated, the list is compiled and everything is in place.  Order produces security but life disturbs order so life is not secure. 

In seeking security according to Birth Order we affect others around us.  The First Born creates uncertainty in others, the Second Born frustrates others, the Third Born scares others, the Fourth Born isolates others and the Only stifles creativity.  Each Birth Order has a negative impact on others as it seeks to be secure.

A positive impact on others can be achieved when we can let up on our quest for security.  The security we seek because of our Birth Order does not exist - life lets us know that we are not secure.  In early childhood security was of supreme importance because we were helpless and needed someone to make us secure.  Now, in adult existence security is preferable but we can tolerate insecurity.  In tolerating insecurity we overcome our Birth Order to relate freely to others.