Birth Order alone is not a good predictor of marital bliss. Life experiences, the formation of attitudes toward marriage and personal issues all affect the relationship. Birth Order is only part of the picture. In fact, you can be happily married to the "wrong" Birth Order if other factors contribute positively to the marriage.
Having said this, let's look at some implications of Birth Order.
Two First Borns never marry. When you see a couple where both are the oldest in the family, one or both of them will have personalities other than First Born.
Onlies and Seconds are attracted to each other. Onlies want to do things right and Seconds want to do some things perfectly. Doing things right and doing things perfectly make for a good match. This is the only couple who typically fall in love at first sight.
Firsts and cautious type Third Borns are drawn to each other. The Third Born likes the feeling of safety in the First Born that comes from the First Born being unaware of his or her thoughts, feelings or even desires. The First Born is drawn to the Third Born by the Third's compassion that is refreshing to the First Born perceiving the world as a place without love.
Fourths and Onlies can be drawn to each other. The Fourth finds the Only intriguing because the Fourth does not understand the Only. An Only may find the Fourth to be attractive because of the act the Fourth puts on. The Only often experiences surprise, sometimes dismay, as the real Fourth Born personality comes out after marriage.
Birth Order of parents can affect choice of mate. An Only will tend to be drawn to someone of the same Birth Order as the same-sex parent. The other Birth Orders tend to be drawn to the Birth Order following that of the same-sex parent. The Birth Order following Fourth Born is Only Child.
Couples who are mismatched by Birth Order can still have a happy marriage. Their marriage may require more maintenance than more compatible matches. This means acquiring an understanding of each other, providing quality time with each other away from home and an exercising patience with each other.
Humor is a most important element in any marriage. There can be no bonding without humor. Humor is the playfulness that allows a couple to enjoy each other. When the sense of humor disappears in a relationship that relationship is in trouble. That's the time to get therapy to restore the joy of being married to each other.
A couple is almost always of comparable intelligence. Humor ensures this compatibility because it requires comparable intelligence to enjoy each other's humor.
5 comments on Birth Order Behind Marriage
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im the youngest of six...where do i fit in when it comes to birth order? you go to 4...i know i count for something here...lol always told them they saved the best for last
Being sixth of six should make you Second Born in personality. If your next older sibling is a brother that would make you a mellow type Second with the ability to deal well with emotions.
I'm a male of second child, with my brother being the first.
- 1st brother, me, sister, sister, brother, brother
And i'm married to a girl who is;
second child, who has sister as the first child.
- 1st sister, her (my wife), brother, sister, brother
I'm worried that this sibling order has not been the best choices of marriage.
We tend to have heated quarell over time, and theres will be always dissatisfaction come from my wife.
I deeply beleive that the sibling order between us is the complete opposite of understanding. and I find it hard to coped with her demand.
I have to seek for a temporary split for the time being to access the situation between us.
What is your advise Dr. ?
Thank you in advanced.
-fuad-
Fuad,
This is a situation that calls for professional help. It goes beyond Birth Order, however, I think Birth Order is involved. It appears that you are not both Second Born psychologically - it appears from your writing that you are Fourth Born (an exeption to the usual order) and that your wife is Second Born. In this kind of relationship conflicts are common, with the Second feeling the need to be angry and the Fourth feeling the need to get attention in the form of anger. The Second would tend to look for reasons to be angry and the Fourth would tend to find ways to make the Second angry. This is a difficult relationship to resolve so professional help is needed. I would advise you to get some good psychotherapy.
Cliff