How Each Birth Order Processes Dots

You have heard the expression “connecting the dots.” Connecting the dots is just one way of processing dots but not the only way. There are several other ways Birth Orders process dots.

The Only personality processes dots by arranging them. Arranging dots means scheduling, planning, making lists, sorting, placing things in the correct places or making assignments. The Only’s natural urge to organize drives the arranging of dots. To be comfortable, an Only must put dots in order.

The First Born collects dots. When someone shares an idea, an insight, an observation, a comparison or an opinion the First Born eagerly receives it. However, the First Born may not do much beyond collecting the dots. The dots are not connected, arranged, compared or evaluated. Rather, they are passed on to others who will listen. Craving love moves the First Born to collect and share dots. The sharing of dots feels like an expression of love – someone cared enough for me to tell me something.

The First Born may overwhelm the Second Born with dots. Growing up, the Second Born cannot compete in collecting dots with the First Born because the First Born has a head start. And, the perfectionist Second Born is not satisfied with collecting dots, he or she must connect dots. In connecting dots the Second Born forms a structure from the dots, a box if you will. Having made the box, the Second Born is comfortable thinking within that box. Any new dots to be accepted have to be connected with dots in the structure. Communicating with others includes imposing a box or boxes on them.

The Third Born chafes under the strictures of the Second Born box. Accepting the box would be safe thinking for the Third Born but, needing to challenge fear, the Third Born has to think outside the box. So, the Third Born creates new dots. That’s where the Third Born finds adventure. When the Second Born compels the Third Born to accept boxes the Third Born gets pushy in response. The Third Born may expand the strategy to push others, a characteristic with which the Fourth Born must cope.

The Fourth Born doesn’t always cave in to the Third Born. The Fourth Born may be determined to think for himself or herself rather than accept Third Born dots. Of course, the Fourth Born resistance makes the Third Born push harder until the Fourth Born decides he or she must erase those Third Born dots in order to think. As an adult the Fourth Born may react to what others say as if they were trying to think for him or her, erasing dots wherever they come from. To erase dots, the Fourth Born may reject the dots, disagree, criticize, get angry, ignore dots or very frequently, try to confuse things. Erasing dots makes for difficult communication because thoughts are not accepted. For this Fourth Born relationships are hard to maintain.

Fortunately, Birth Order characteristics usually mellow with life experience. This means that Onlies come to accept some chaos, First Borns learn to evaluate dots, Second Borns become more flexible, Third Borns ease up to become more considerate and Fourth Borns accept others’ thoughts more readily. But, the Birth Order ways of processing dots are still apparent if you pay attention.

In summary,
Onlies arrange dots
First Borns collect dots
Second Borns connect dots
Third Borns create dots
Fourth Borns erase dots

Once you recognize how each Birth Order processes dots you can recognize Birth Order personality more easily. You learn to appreciate the creativity that each uses in the processing of dots. More importantly, by understanding your own processing of dots you get beyond your Birth Order behavior pattern.