We live by the decisions we make. Our decisions can create problems when they are made without thinking, delayed too long, made for poor reasons, left up to others, made out of emotion such as anger or made as a reaction to what someone else has done. Each Birth Order makes decisions differently so each has unique problems with decisions.
Only Children are the most likely to make decisions based on emotion. The emotion arises from how the new decision will affect the organization they have created in their lives. When they are called upon to make a decision the first answer is most likely to be "no". After weighing the decision the Only Child may change the "no" to a qualified "yes" because he or she has found a way to incorporate the decision into the structure he or she has developed. Since the Only Child decides on the basis of whether something fits the Only may not think about the implications of the decision. A good question for an Only is to ask "Do I really want to do that even if I have time?"
First Borns tend to trust others more than themselves in making decisions. When someone the First Born trusts makes a suggestion the First Born is apt to go along with it despite his or her own better judgment. Since the First Born knows more about his or her own situation than anyone else, someone else's suggestion may not fit the actual situation. Good people make bad decisions when they make them for someone else. The First Born needs to think about decisions rather than following suggestions carte blanche.
A Second Born makes decisions based on thinking, often only on thinking. In ignoring feelings these decisions can be destructive to relationships and to one's own well-being. A Second Born may need to consciously consider how a decision is going to impact emotions. Sometimes it might be good for a Second Born to consult someone of another Birth Order to evaluate the emotional impact of a decision. The Second Born may feel trapped b making a decision that ignored feelings.
Third Borns can be compulsive about making decisions. They push others to make decisions and they push themselves to make decisions, often giving short shrift to thought that should go into making decisions. Consequently, the Third Born may often be putting out "fires" caused by the decisions he or she makes. The antidote for making rash decisions is to think about the impact that a decision makes on one's self and others. It is especially important to consider warnings by others.
Fourth Borns have the most difficulty with decisions. The Third Born during childhood pressures the Fourth Born to choose quickly so the Fourth Born tends to make decisions without thinking. These tend to be poor decisions that cause problems for the Fourth Born as well as others. The Fourth Born may, in fact, redo decisions frequently making it hard for people who rely on the Fourth Born. At other times the Fourth Born may think and think without reaching a decision. This can be difficult when a decision is required. The solution for the Fourth Born is to stop thinking about a decision once it is made. It is possible to do this if the decision is based on thinking beforehand.
Not all problems with making decisions are Birth Order based. Problem decisions can come from misinformation, lack of information, phobias, emotional pressure, deception and other sources not related to Birth Order.
2 comments on How Decisions Are Made By Birth Order
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I am finding this website encouarging. I dated a girl 7 years ago, and since had another very serious relationship, and some other possibilites that were dabled in for a while. anyway, the girl dated 7 years ago is a 3rd of all daughters, and I am a first born male with a younger sister. my parents still talk to this girl I dated 7 years ago (every now and then) she is a very loving girl. she.. .seems to have never gotten over me though. and I think my mother feels that the ex would be very loving and supportive of me. I think she probably would. but I find I want my wife NOT to end up being her. I live in a different city, and have continued growing, away from the ex, and the hometown where I grew up, but the thought comes back to haunt me, that maybe she would be best. but then again that was sometihng that happend when i was a freshman in high school. haha. I know shes a good girl, so its not like i can say a ton of good reasons to not be with her, but I just find I want to move on and discover in life. I do think some of my parents opinions in the past weigh very heavily on me. Its very hard to make sense of all this.
Good for you, recognizing the possibilities with your ex. Here are some more things to consider. As a First Born you tend to be dissatisfied with what you have so you keep looking for something better. As a First Born you aren't sure what you think so you keep listening to your parents. As a cautious type Third born your ex would probably not be exciting - which means she is safe. Excitement about a person is a red flag because the active ingredient in excitement is fear - subconsicously you know there is something to be afraid of in this person. You'll find out later, to your regret, what your excitement (fear) was telling you.
You need excitement in your life for the stimulation. Excitement should come from the challenges you take on in life, not from your life partner. I hope this is helpful. The best to you.
Cliff