The Only Child learns early to deal with difficult situations with emotion. Imagine the two-year-old Only on the floor playing with blocks, getting frustrated because they don't work right. Someone watching wants to help the Only to get them piled right. The Only does not want the intrusion, wants to figure it out and asks the person to not touch anything. But the adult is eager to help until the Only has to scream, flail her arms and express her anger. With that the adult backs off. The child has learned to get things done with emotion.
The Only Child has learned to think with feelings. In the adult Only Child this comes out in remarks such as "I'm not comfortable with that" or "I don't know what I want to do Saturday night because I don't how I'm going to feel." "Never" and "Always" statements are an Only Child expression of emotion as in "You never help me around the house" or "You are always wanting me to do things I don't want to do."
When positive, Only Child emotion can be enjoyed by others. For example, others enjoy it when the Only emotes saying "I just love that outfit." The Only Child laugh can be contagious in a group. The Only Child smile can really make others feel liked.
To put emotions into balance, we can tell the Only "Never get so interested in feelings that you forget to think." This enables the subconscious mind to balance emotion with thought.
17 comments on The Emotional Only Child
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I agree that the Fourth will be the best overall actor.
This is so true!!!!
Can you tell more about only child hiding power?
In July of 2004, you wrote in your first newsletter, "The Only Child core issues are thinking with feelings and hiding power. If you comprehend thinking with feelings you are an Only.
...
The issues for the Only Child personality are that she hides her thinking and hides her power. Next month we'll take a look at First Born core issues. " [end quote from http://www.birthorderplus.com/newsletter/archive/july2004.htm]
I understand about thinking with feelings so I must be an only child. But this thing about hiding power, I do not understand, and I'd like to. Could you give an example? How can one hide power? Thanks - a fan of yours
Thanks for asking. I appreciate your being a fan!
Cliff
"A mother under stress when her oldest child is around two years of age can create a Birth Order personality in her child that is not First Born. This means the oldest child can be Second, Third or Fourth because of the mother's interaction with the child.
The Birth Order created in the child depends not only on Mother's Birth Order but also on the sex of the child. If the child is a boy he takes on the same Birth Order as Mother's. If the child is a girl she takes on the next Birth Order following Mother's.
With a Second Born mother the daughter becomes Third Born in personality. "
from http://birthorder.blogster.com/when_mother_causes_birth.html
The only question I have, is, is it possible to get a secondary birth order characteristic this way? I often remember being helpful and brave and letting my mother's criticisms roll off my back; in a third born way. Normally an only child personality gets the secondary birth order characteristcs of her mother, not the next one down, according to your charts. I am not sure if my mother is a second or only; she was 4 or 5 years younger than her brother and seems a lot more like a second than an only, in vivaciousness, criticism, etc. But 2nd child is the one that comes up least for me in that quiz; as well as with the "sayings" where "Leave me alone, I'd rather do it myself" really hits home; followed by "No problem; that doesn't bother me" and "I don't know, how about you?" - the third and first. Now I know most situations can occur due to variations in situations, but have you ever heard of this occurring before; i.e. mother handing third born personality to daughter due to stress while daughter retains only child personality as primary?
Thanks, and sorry for the long email. -Still a fan!
When there is only one more sibling following an only personality first born, what personality occurs with the younger sibling?
In the case of two children both will be Onlies if the oldest is an Only. There is a pseudo Birth Order difference between the two because the second child wants to be different from the older one when both are Onlies. Despite the apparent differences both are Onlies. There tends to be conflict during childhood that changes into closeness when they are adults.
My older brother 7 1/2 years older than me
my older sister 6 1/2 year older tham me
I'm male the last.
What order do I fall into and who would I be compatable with for marriage?
Am I first, second, or last or only, or do I fall into all three?
i would like to know if we are going to ride the smooth sails or set off to the rough seas.
Jason