Logically, it would seem that Only Children would grow up lonely because they lack siblings. However, logic often fails at predicting human behavior. Being alone could mean loneliness if the child did not solve the problem. But the Only Child solves the problem by creating an imaginary companion or companions. Often the imaginary companion is a doll, a pet or even a parent playing the role assigned by the child.
The Only Child shares feelings, thoughts and ideas with the imaginary companion. And, of course the imaginary companion always feels the same way, thinks the same way and appreciates the same ideas as the Only Child. The imaginary companion is so real that the Only Child can play for hours without feeling lonely. In fact, the time with imaginary companions is so enjoyable that this child craves time to spend with imaginary companions. That's what's happening when the child is playing "alone" in his or her bedroom.
On a subconscious level these attitudes carry into adult life. The Only Child craves alone time often as transition time between work and home. Arriving at home this person wants to have some time alone before getting into family activities. Often, a long commute serves as transition time for the Only. Sometimes, Onlies like to get to work early so they can be alone for a half-hour, reading the paper and having coffee before they start their day.
Onlies also tend to treat others as imaginary. They think about what they are going to say rather than listening to the other person, interrupt the other person to express their own ideas and assure the other person that "I know exactly how you feel." Two Onlies talking take turns talking without listening to each other.
Onlies subconsciously assume that others know how they feel just as the imaginary companions always knew how they felt. In communicating they may not say what they mean because they expect others to fill in the meaning. For example, "time management" is an Only term which assumes that you understand the meaning to be "activity management" because you cannot really manage time.
Onlies like to be among familiar things that feel like friends to them. They may hang on to a previous vehicle rather than trade it in because it would be like losing a friend. If anything in their familiar environment is moved or removed they tend to notice it immediately because when they enter their environment they make touch with their "friends" that are the things around them.
6 comments on Onlies Are Not Lonelies
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I've never had an imaginary friend, I have always been sociable, but I had to laugh about keeping old cars whom I considered a friend.[SMILE] I think our outgoing, gregarious and caring nature makes us great friends, spouses and co-workers. I'm interested if whether being an only results in higher rates of late marriages or not getting married at all. I'm very happy remaining single until the right person comes along and the prospect of lifetime bachelorhood if she doesn't is not a real concern. I'd love to hear from other lucky onlies about their lives.
Oh, no- I'm a Fourth Born, for sure. Every last one of those traits describe me to a 't'. :)